How can we secure a solar eclipse induced apocalypse next time? More virgin sacrifices? Less? Virgins are quite abundant these days. We could go either way…

  • pruwyben@discuss.tchncs.de
    78·
    7 months ago

    Check it out - we drill a huge hole through the moon, and put a giant magnifying glass in it. Then, next time there’s an eclipse…

  • CronyAkatsuki@lemmy.cronyakatsuki.xyz
    32·
    7 months ago

    There was an eclipse? Didn’t even know since there weren’t any news of it being on my part of the world.

    Guess it first need to be worlwide to create an apocalypse,

    • Phen@lemmy.eco.br
      11·
      7 months ago

      I saw a bunch of memes about eclipses and concluded there was probably one happening somewhere

          • CronyAkatsuki@lemmy.cronyakatsuki.xyz
            41·
            7 months ago

            Earth is spherical yes, but we as humans divided it into side to be able to differentiate it easilly where we are relatively to one another.

            So relatively, america is on the another side of earth compared to me, or 180 degrees far on the sphere

            • Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works
              42·
              7 months ago

              The antipode of America is the Indian ocean. Do you live in the Kergulean Islands? That’s the only land that is 180 degrees from somewhere in America.

              If you want to tell me where you are specifically, I can tell you the exact antipode… but it’s often just somewhere in the ocean… lots of water here.

                • Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works
                  3·
                  7 months ago

                  It says your antipodal point is in the ocean, sort of between the south and south pacific ocean. Nearest landmass is Chatham Islands, New Zealand… although it seems like quite the swim.

                  Antipode coordinates: -45.814, -164.022

                  Antipode finder. It’s actually kind of fun to play around with, you realize how much darn ocean there is haha.

  • spittingimage@lemmy.world
    29·
    7 months ago

    …Is it possible that when the ancient tome calls for virgin sacrifices it’s talking about sacrifices by and not of?

  • Maple Engineer@lemmy.world
    282·
    7 months ago

    They’re so ignorant that they thought that the eclipse was global and believed that it was the beginning of the biblical 3 days of total darkness that signaled the end of the world. They are so fucking horny for the end of the world and their presumed admission to heaven that they see the end everywhere and are actively trying to bring it about. That’s why they want to start a race war, and a war with Russia, and… they’re trying to CAUSE the end of the world so that they can go to heaven.

    • spittingimage@lemmy.world
      5·
      7 months ago

      I like to think of Jesus chasing them around and around the pearly gates with a whip. Biblically speaking, it’s not out of the question.

      • Maple Engineer@lemmy.world
        2·
        7 months ago

        That any of those people believe that they are Christians when they don’t follow the letter and spirit of the teachings of Jesus Christ is utterly baffling.

  • grasshopper_mouse@lemmy.world
    23·
    7 months ago

    What happens to the people who actually believed this? Imagine someone quitting their job because “the world is ending on Monday.” They tell all their friends and family goodbye. They stop paying bills. Then Monday rolls around and…they’re still here. Now what? Do they go beg for their job back? How do they face their friends and family again? It sounds so embarrassing.

    • Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works
      23·
      7 months ago

      According to my friend, it happened, the world ended. Now you may be wondering how I could even have this chat with him if the world ended. Not to worry, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation…

      I am not me, and he went into a different universe when the previous world had collapsed. Apparently I wasn’t so lucky, nor any of the other 8.1 Billion souls. Only he got to come here, because his original self was already dead. How I wouldn’t have remembered him dying and doing a Jesus, is beyond me…

      This all leads me to the conclusion that my friend stopped taking his meds and has been binging rick and morty again.

    • some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org
      22·
      7 months ago

      There was a great photo of a guy who bought into the Mayan calendar bullshit in 2012 (I think?). He’d given away or sold his home and all his stuff. In the photo, he was checking his watch while young people next to him were laughing. I imagine his life was ruined.

      But some cults just keep pushing the date back. See Millerites in USA:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Disappointment

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events

    • exanime@lemmy.today
      11·
      7 months ago

      They’ll move on to the next conspiracy not having learned a bit from their stupid decisions… And the society they hate will continue to provide for them

      • grasshopper_mouse@lemmy.world
        5·
        7 months ago

        I just imagine someone trying to get their job back and their former boss laughing in their face. Maybe this is how some people become homeless (because I presume they are mentally unstable to begin with).

    • shrugs@lemmy.world
      9·
      7 months ago

      I wonder if there are still people living in their underground bunker believing they are the only one that survived 2000 or 2012

    • Sam_Bass@lemmy.ml
      2·
      7 months ago

      The people that do that dont typically have jobs nor pay their own bills since they livein an environment that allows them enough free time to absorb and spread such conspiratorial material

  • Dagwood222@lemm.ee
    23·
    7 months ago

    [nsfw] There’s an old joke that’s surprisingly appropriate.

    Lucky Pierre has to get out of Paris, so he signs on a tramp steamer. In order to make the most money, the captain refuses to spend the night in any port. The ship unloads and sails out without anyone getting a chance to enjoy themselves. After a month, Pierre is going nuts. He talks to the bos’n. He leads Pierre down to the filthiest part of the hold and points him at a steel drum welded to the deck. “Just stick it in there.”

    Pierre is skeptical, but also desperate. He places his organ in the hole in the barrel and feels a hot mouth on his member.

    Well, Pierre makes up for lost time. He’s in the hold five or six times a day for the next week. Then one day he sticks it in but nothing happens. He goes to the bos’n to see what’s going on.

    “Guess that means it’s your turn in the barrel.”

    So, if you want a virgin sacrifice, just climb in the barrel.

    I kid.

  • Vanth@reddthat.comEnglish
    22·
    7 months ago

    I don’t remember all the signs from Revelations, but I’m pretty sure one of them is seven trumpets playing as the sky gets their fuckery on. We obviously needed more brass bands playing. I think these guys could bring on the end times next eclipse.

  • ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca
    21·
    7 months ago

    If my sources are correct, we didn’t use enough aether crystals to summon Ifrit, Lord of the Inferno. My source is Final Fantasy btw.

  • Teon@kbin.social
    20·
    7 months ago

    You have to completely unplug the sun. You can’t just walk in front of it Richard.
    FFS

  • Sterile_Technique@lemmy.worldEnglish
    17·
    7 months ago

    The eclipse was supposed to be apocalyptic? I missed the memo this time. We seem to collect those things like they’re Pokemon.

    • variants@possumpat.ioEnglish
      6·
      7 months ago

      Haven’t you seen Apocalypto, you use the eclipse to control the masses by saying they have to listen to you because you know what the gods want

      Knowledge is power

  • Count Regal Inkwell@pawb.social
    8·
    7 months ago

    Because the world already ended in 2012.

    We are living in hell.

    spoiler

    (… Those are brazilian song lyrics, translated. Don’t take them TOO seriously)