Ate a whole bar of soap in high school. I was in a military school, and it was an initiation/bet in a certain extracurricular group.

At practice one day, they asked if anyone wanted to earn $300. All the hands shot up.Then they asked if anyone wanted to eat soap. All hands drop. Then, they asked if anyone wanted to eat a bar of soap for $300. Me and one other dude raised our hands again. After practice we went back to the dorm of one of the group leaders where they laid out the rules: entry fee is $25. One bar of soap, cut into six pieces. The four smaller pieces are too be eaten in one bite, chewed minimum of ten times, and swallowed. The two bigger pieces had to be bitten in half, chewed, and swallowed. If you got all the soap down, you had to keep it down for 15 minutes. If you get this far, you keep all the entry fees of everyone that’s failed before you.

Guy before me taps out halfway through. I finish, and hold it down for the required 15 minutes, as the leaders get more and more agitated. After i win and they give me my money, I’m informed that I’ve just ruined the party they hold every year after the last major inspection is completed. Turns out, they’ve been running this scam for years as a way to grift money from younger members to fund their own shenanigans. I’m told that I’m not to return to practice the following day, as I’m not longer a member of the club.

Joined yearbook instead, and bought a lot of pizza for my friends that semester.

I fell out of an aeroplane with no parachute and lived.

Was sweeping the little Cessna out when i stepped back missed the step and went arse over head into the tarmac.

physically mailed requests to opt out of binding arbitration agreements

Cool? Definitely not, or at least I don’t think so. And I very seriously doubt anyone would be jealous.

I used to go up in the mountains by myself. Bare minimum supplies, like a knife, the clothes on my back, and an emergency pack for “in case shit”, that if I had to touch, the trip was over. I also went armed because shit can happen.

Now, I did this for years, and it was very rare for anything bad to happen at all, and the worst stuff wasn’t life threatening except once. I’d run across bears, a few crazy people, maybe twist an ankle or some such.

But that one time.

So, there’s a feral dog problem. They’ve interbred with what’s called the eastern coyote, which itself is supposedly a mix of coyote, wolf, and a little dog.

The eastern coyote is rarely a problem. Small family groups, avoid people. If you see them at all, it’s unusual.

But when they mix with dogs, and those dogs are feral, the packs get bigger and they tend to not be scared of humans.

Well, I was cooking a fish I caught during one summer when the weather had been dry, and small animal populations were low.

The smell brought a pack in. Enough of them that they tried to circle me in and come at me after the fish I threw to them wasn’t interesting enough.

I had 14 rounds on me, and I needed most of them. The first couple of shots missed because I was fucking terrified. At that point, I’d never taken any training for shooting under pressure, so I was panic breathing and shaking hard.

You’d think the sound of a 45 going off would have scared them off, but it didn’t. I dropped a couple of them, swapped mags and dropped two more before the rest ran off. One of them, I had to finish because I didn’t get a clean shot because it was early in the half a minute it all took.

I hiked my ass back out as soon as I could stop shaking and keep my legs under me. And I did the hike with a nice wet spot because I pissed myself a little.

Went to the ranger station, reported it, did all that crap and went home.

Now, there was also a less dramatic event not maybe ten miles away where I found a body. Suicide, shotgun vs head. That was not fun either; but plenty of people have found dead bodies. Those were the two worst things I ever had happen up there on my own.

I might be the only American to have applied for a light sport flight instructor certificate on physical paper, and I believe I caused an update to the IACRA system.

For those unaware, IACRA is the system for applying for airman certificates online. Instead of mailing a paper 8710 to Washington you fill it out on one of the US government’s many shitass fuckchild web 0.8 websites. The FAA isn’t as bad as the FCC on that front but shew buddy.

I was applying for a light sport flight instructor certificate. One of the prerequisites for this is a credential in the Fundamentals of Instruction. Per the FARs, this can be:

• A passing score on an FAA FoI knowledge test (70 or better) within the last 24 months
• Holder of at least a Basic Ground Instructor certificate
• A state issued teacher’s certificate for grade 7 or higher, or
• A job as a college professor

I had taken and passed the FoI test, but the 24 month mark was rapidly approaching before I could arrange the practical test, so I took the BGI test (which is another knowledge test) flew to the FSDO in Greensboro, filled out a form, and one clammy government handshake later I was a ground instructor. Ground instructor certificates don’t expire so that effectively eliminated the time constraint on the FoI test result.

Checkride time approached, it was time to fill out the 8710…IACRA had no way of accepting a BGI certificate number as the FoI prerequisite. It was designed to only accept a LaserGrade test result, there wasn’t a way to use the other legal prerequisite types. So I had to print out a physical 8710 and mail it to Washington. Last I heard of the matter, my DPE let me know she had contacted somebody at the FAA about the matter, so teachers, professors and ground instructors should be able to correctly apply for a flight instructor certificate now.

In November 1988, I traveled to Yugoslavia and met the Medjugorje visionaries who claim that Mary, the mother of Jesus, appears to them.

Updates: Yugoslavia no longer exists. I am now an atheist.

I’ve seen all our known planets with my own eyes, including Pluto. Not many can say that.

Also, while leaning against a rail one morning; groggy, motionless, and unsuspecting, I once had a wild songbird land on my finger. When I felt the grip of strong tiny claws, I screamed and hurled it back into the sky.

I believe that still technically makes me a Disney princess.

When I was in my middle school I rode my bike in a circle for 7hrs. It was on a bet for a lizard. If I could do it my dad would have to buy my a bearded dragon. I got the dragon. I had that thang on me. But he passed away

I used to believe there were a ton of things that the universe decided to fuck me in particular. Turns out, it was autisim.

Not all at the same time:

• Broken both ankles at once
• Bitten by a snake, twice (two different snakes)
• In (temporary) remission from myeloma, an incurable blood cancer

Been in a plane crash.

It was a Beech 18 that experienced fuel starvation on climb out. The pilot raised the gear and belly landed it in a freshly tilled corn field off the end of the runway. It was a lot like being in a car accident, just lasted longer with a lot more rending metal noises. The port engine was ripped off and was sitting about 50 feet behind where the plane came to rest.

It wasn’t cool, believe me…

I attended a 1-on-1 meeting that a billionaire scheduled with me but that they themselves did not attend.

As a kid, I once killed a fly by squeezing an empty yogurt bottle, propelling the lid of said bottle and squatting the fly on the wall. I did that on purpose and it took some attempts.

I’m the first of my kind to land on a payroll on my line of work in my country. I’m the reason my job recognized in the national job definitions papers.

I exemplified other companies that we’re worth permanent hiring, so I know at least 50 people got permanent jobs a few years after I did.

(We’re usually hired for gigs or projects)

I watched every minute of Francis Ford Coppola’s “Megalopolis” in a movie theater.