Tell me more!

Love is a verb. Someone told me this years ago and it stuck. You can apply it in the most literal sense in your romantic relationships, familial, and friendships. You can also use the less mushy (and inverse) version “Watch their feet, not their mouthes” in working relationships and more casual acquaintances. The point is, prioritize demonstrating your care for others over expressing it verbally, and evaluate others’ care for you (or for a project, solving a problem, etc.) based on their actual efforts instead of what they say.

Thank you! That genuinely makes me feel a little better

Well, to answer your question, I have to talk to them. Very small team, this lady seems to think she’s in charge of the whole team instead of her two direct reports. Heres more context from upthread: https://beehaw.org/comment/973873

But you are right about reaffirming of boundaries. I think I get scared when pushing back because I’m not always great at regulating my emotions so I’m terrified I’ll get worked up and say the wrong thing, but I really need to work on this skill. It’s important, I do not want to be someone easily steamrolled.

A+ advice. I was not taught great conflict resolution skills as a kid and have some neurospiciness that makes regulation challenging at times, but my meds help and I think I’m better equipped emotionally these days than I tend to think of myself as or give myself credit for. Thank you for the advice, this is all A+ insight.

I can absolutely relate to this! Thank you for your perspective!

These links are excellent! Thank you!

This hits close to home. When I was candid about the fact that it took some courage to speak up about something that needed pushing back on, I got called a “scaredy cat” 🙄

Great advice

Thank you!

But I’m very sociable amd not shy with conversation!

I am the “averse” one- meaning, I have a hard time setting firm boundaries, struggle with gathering the courage to say no, etc. The person in question I’m having to push back against is kind of passive aggressive/manipulative, but seems very confrontational.

So I already pushed back on some of her unreasonable demands already, and essentially I’m trying to ready myself for more little skirmishes even though it scares the shit out of me. My boss has assured me she has no authority over me and the org chart shows that plain as day, I’m just not used to telling someone who is technically higher ranking than me no in polite and tactful ways when appropriate. This team has been such smooth sailing (interpersonally) up until now.

Mostly a new manager on our team causing issues (not my manager, half our team is her side of the org chart, my half of the team is a different skillset & manager.) She is not my bosses boss either. For some reason she is convinced she is both of those (boss of the whole team.) For context this is a very small team with full time focus on a special subsidiary co of one if my employer’s main clients. We are six people total, so theres no avoiding her. The rest of us do have and have always had a great dynamic and working relationship, but this woman respects nothing but the sound of her own voice, has no idea how to listen or compromise, doesn’t know wtf she’s doing, and thinks she’s going to bully everyone into doing things her way regardless.

If she has any experience in our industry, its very outdated. This does not stop her from being convinced she knows better on how this team works than all of us who’ve been on it for over a year. Lots of weird petty authoritarian control issues. Fixating on tardiness (its not a formal policy, but we work in a “younger” field and have always operated on a “as long as your deadlines are met, nobody cares if you’re running late” policy. This has become a whole crusade for her.

We have a short daily status call and try to all meet in person for it every Wednesday. She tried to insist these calls need to be in person everyday were in office (we hybrid.) Weve already pushed back on it, now she’s insisting these calls become video conferences 🙄 presumably so she can confirm we’re all at our desks on time.

Trying to make a lot of arbitrary (and sometimes counter productive) changes to processes shes not involved in, signing my half of the team up for ad hoc special projects from other teams for brownie points for herself, etc.

None of this would be so terrible if my actual boss weren’t utterly paralyzed by confrontation. He claims he’s biding his time until she really steps out of line, but I think he just has no back bone. Confronting authority figures (actual or imaginary as in this case she’s not my real boss) is stressful to me, but once I initially broach the topic, I do okay and keep it professional/constructive, so I’m trying to pick my battles because we’re all sick of being bullied by this idiot and I’m tired of waiting on my boss tk say something.

Pager

This one pops into my head way too often

Surprised good sense of humor or wit aren’t on here yet. Playfully sparring with someone or laughing until it hurts when you hang around a person are a turn on.

My work allows dogs. I’d say there’s probably about 8-10 dogs that are regulars, most of which don’t come in every single day, but a few do. We’re hybrid, so at most they’re in office 3 days a week. There is a whole section in our handbook regulating bringing dogs in, so it’s not a free for all by any means. And people use common sense, I’ve yet to see someone trying to make it work with an ill behaved dog. I might hear a woof or bark on somebody’s way in maybe once a month.

It’s great! I love getting to see dogs at work! The policies we have are pretty explicit about keeping your dog in your office and supervised at all times (except for going in/out, or bringing them to meetings presuming that whoever you’re meeting with is comfortable with it.)

Idk if I have any allergic coworkers, but it’s not like I’m bumping into pups in the hall non stop, and they’re pretty good about accommodating various needs. I can’t imagine they would refuse someone asking for a different office if they wanted to move because the next guy over brings his dog often. The whole setup is far less dramatic than people might assume. It’s still a place of business, not a dog park.

My best firing was from a job I got hired for at 16. Seasonal help for Victoria’s Secret in a local mall. This seems like a random detail, but makes the firing even funnier to me: VS (at least, this one) was bisected into the lingerie half of the store and the perfume/cosmetics half of the store. I was hired to work the perfume counter.

It was their holiday hiring push, so myself and a half dozen other women or so came in for a full day of group training—like get there ass early for hours of dumb safety/theft videos, paperwork, mock customer interactions & sales transactions on the POS, etc.

We finish all this up, and the trainer is congratulating us for being done as one of the managers is arriving for her shift. The trainer encourages us to introduce ourselves to the manager and each other & releases us for the day. I wasn’t shy, and was the first one to shake manager’s hand. She makes small talk and asks what scheduling preferences I had submitted. In response, I mentioned something about classes and she asks what college I go to.

When I laugh and correct her with the name of my high school, her face changes and she asks my age. “Oh, uhhh you can’t work here.” I am confused and tell her that I listed my correct information on the application. “Yeah, sorry, someone made a mistake. We only hire 18+ employees.”

To work the perfume counter. In a panties store. Meanwhile, 2023 me likes to periodically glance at Target’s growing sex toy selection (that is presumably stocked/rung up/at least VIEWED by minor employees) because it still feels novel. Victoria still had to mail me a check for training hours and can go fuck herself 😂

Not actually niche, but outoftheloop & eli5

Actually niche (and probably will never be recreated): askhistorians.

But also legaladvice, relationshipadvice, whatswrongwithyourdog, a million others I’m forgetting. (Just no spacedicks, its time has passed.)